Let's look at life right now:

It's fun at this moment and I wish I could live like this forever. I have so many dreams that I want to make come true, but most of them aren't feasible. My visions are quite worth trying to work out, but I just don't have the energy it takes to complete them.

I just realized how lazy I am. I just realized how disagreeable I am. I just realized that another year has passed and I still haven't done anything significant and I hate it. I haven't even tried to stick my foot in the door.

I just got new medication. Vyvanse. Oh, go people with ADHD! That shit will keep you up for the entire day with just one pill. I took three and then went to sleep. I don't think it works quite as well as the doctor thought it would.

I like to think I'm the exception for a lot of things. My new friend seems to think that only for a bit of things and I'm fine with it because I'm beginning to understand that I'm just a tiny little number in this world. Well, I've known that for a while, its just taken me this long to actually want to recognize it. Call it growing up, if you will. But I'm still surprised its taken me this long to 'grow up.'

Oh and I've become stupider. More ditsy. A girl. I used to hate all those girly things other people used to do. I still don't like wearing dresses. If I'm a girl, I'm the girl on that motorcycle next to you on the highway with a mohawk and a leather jacket. But I am a girl, nonetheless. I have noticed that I can't comprehend things as easily. I can't think as straight and I just sound stupid. I am frustrated with myself because of it. Maybe that's just me, but it isn't who I used to be. In a world where people change who they are to fit in with the crowd, how do we ever know who we are? I'm beginning to ask myself that. Even I don't know who I am and I wish I did. I wish I did so I could tell myself that I need to stop. Stop what, I haven't the slightest idea, but I feel like I am doing something that I wouldn't approve of.

Being a stranger to yourself is lonely business, but being a stranger to those who have known you all your life is heart breaking.